


We Live For Love

by Adarian



Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-10
Updated: 2015-11-10
Packaged: 2018-04-30 21:40:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5180732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adarian/pseuds/Adarian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cousland finds out just before the Landsmeet about how to slay the Archdemon. He spares Loghain solely for the purpose of sacrificing him later. Alistair still walks out, not knowing that Cousland has planned this nor that Cousland is in love with him. Written for a kink-meme prompt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Live For Love

"There is more than one reason to have as many Wardens as we can."

Cousland had shivered then, Riordan's hand on his shoulder in warning. The elder Warden led him out of the room as Arl Eamon continued to speak with Alistair and Anora. The two Wardens went into a neglected study and Riordan shut the door behind them.

"There is something I imagine Duncan never told you," Riordan said, leaning against a chair. "You were both so young in the Order, after all. I would tell you both but...my instinct is to speak to you first."

Cousland sat down. "What's going on?"

"When we meet the Archdemon in the field, the one who slays it will die. Our body is sacrificed to purify the spirit of the Old God. The one who dies will be destroyed."

Cousland asked in surprise, "What?"

Riordan said quietly, "Keep your voice down for now, brother. I do not say this now to shock you, but to think realistically about what happens in the Landsmeet tomorrow. As it is, there are only three of us in this country. I will take the blow, if I can, as I am the eldest and it is my reasonability to protect you both. But we cannot rely on that. That leaves you both."

"Then it will be me," Cousland said. "The country needs Alistair more than it needs me."

"And if you fall first?"

Cousland put his head in his hands and Riordan sat beside him.

"If there is an opportunity tomorrow," Riordan advised, "take it. If we can recruit Loghain in payment for his war crimes, then do it."

"Why are you only telling me this?" Cousland asked. 

"Because in the short time I have spent with you both, I have realized two very important things," Riordan said. "First, that Alistair will not allow another to die in his place, even his enemy. He is meant to be my second, it is how it always has been."

"And the other?"

"That you love him."

Cousland caught his breath as Riordan continued, "He doesn't know and of course you would not tell him, not when there is so much at stake. But I know you will do what you must to keep him safe. So if you care for him, think about what I have said tonight."

Cousland watched Riordan leave the room, leaving the door slightly open. Alistair entered, smiling nervously.

"Everything okay?" Alistair asked. "Secret Warden business? Oh! Are you planning my birthday party? I've recently heard of something from Kirkwall called cheesecake, maybe-"

Cousland left the room, gently pushing him aside. He didn't look back.

***

Cousland would never forget the hurt in Alistair's eyes as Cousland threw the blade on the ground. Cousland held out his hand and Loghain looked up suspiciously.

"Join me as my brother," Cousland said firmly. "Or I will conscript you into my Order. Fight and die alongside me to redeem yourself. This way you have a chance to live. It is your choice whether you come willingly."

Alistair protested, "Adair, you can't-"

Cousland looked to Loghain. "Your choice, MacTir."

"Conscript me then," Loghain snarled.

Riordan grabbed the larger man and pulled him to his feet. Cousland started to follow, but Alistair put his hands to stop him.

"I will not serve beside him," Alistair insisted. "Why are you doing this? This man tried to kill us and you want him...he doesn't have enough honour, he doesn't-"

Cousland took Alistair's face into his hands.

"Trust me," Cousland pleaded. "Just this once."

Alistair pulled away. "You can't have both of us. If you take him...I'm leaving."

Cousland whispered, "Okay."

Alistair glared and left the room angrily. Cousland looked to see Loghain now in chains, led out of the room by guards. Riordan came back to his side, putting his arm around his shoulder.

"It will be alright," Riordan whispered. "You did the right thing."

"He'll never forgive me."

"But he will live," Riordan reminded. 

Cousland went out after Alistair, chasing him into the streets. Alistair refused to look back and kept walking. Cousland grabbed his shoulder and Alistair flung him away. 

"Please-"

"Get away from me," Alistair warned. 

"Stay in Denerim," Cousland pleaded. "If you can't be with us, fine, but at least stay here. You can keep others safe without being a Warden. Where would you even-"

"This is my home," Alistair said angrily. "My home. The Wardens were the one thing that was mine. You...you knew that. This man killed Duncan, killed everyone of our brothers and sisters, he would have killed us too. How could you?"

_Because I love you._

"You're not the man I thought you were," Alistair said. 

He walked off, leaving Cousland in the road alone. 

***

Cousland held Loghain as he died. It was the least he owed his brother in arms. He closed his eyes when he passed and murmured a prayer. He placed his own cloak over his body before rising.

He needed to find Alistair.

***

Cousland searched in vain for him in the wreckage of the city. Heading towards the docks, he spotted someone who could pass for him from the back. He chased after them but was disappointed.

He eventually went back to the Estate, only to find Alistair packing his things. Cousland breathed deeply in relief and raced into the room.

"You're safe," Cousland said.

Alistair rolled his eyes. "I'm glad you've decided to care about my well-being again. Did your new friend Loghain not turn out to be much fun?"

"He's dead," Cousland said quickly. "I knew he was going to die. Alistair-"

"Well, good riddance. And Riordan too I hear. I guess you're the last Warden. Lucky you. I hope that works out well for you."

"Alistair," Cousland said, closing the door. "I need to-"

"Look, you were the one who told me I should start looking out for myself. I'm not going to just run back to you because I miss you."

Cousland blurted out, "I spared Loghain to save your life."

Alistair raised an eyebrow and leaned against the bedposts. "Is that so?"

"I let him kill the Archdemon," Cousland confessed, "because I knew if something happened to Riordan, like it did, you would give up your own life. But this way we could both survive."

Alistair's face softened. "I thought that was just a rumour, I didn't realize that one of us did have to...Riordan didn't slay it? Loghain did?"

Cousland admitted, "I knew you would never have gone along with it if I told you the truth. You're too good, too kind. You would have thought..."

"Then I should have died," Alistair said quietly. 

Cousland said softly, "And I would have died with you. I couldn't live in a world without you in it."

Cousland came closer and Alistair whispered, "I don't understand." 

"If you can't serve the Order with me, I'll go," Cousland said. "You can rebuild. You'll be better at it than me...just, I just need you to know how I feel about you."

Alistair kissed him softly, tentatively. He pulled away, waiting for a reaction. Cousland kissed him hard in return, pulling him into his arms.

"I love you," Cousland confessed. 

Alistair pulled him onto the bed and they kissed hungrily, tossing the other's clothes across the room. Cousland grasped at him, stroking his hardening cock in his hand. Alistair groaned, burying his face into his neck. Grinding against him, Alistair returned the favour, rubbing just a bit too hard. 

"You broke my heart," Alistair whispered. 

Cousland kissed him, thrusting into his hand. He moaned into his mouth as he came. He slid down Alistair's body and took his cock into his mouth. Alistair groaned, running his hands through Cousland's hair. He finished quickly, crying out. Cousland swallowed and wiped his lips before kissing him again.

"I will never lie to you again," Cousland promised. "I will never hurt you again."

Alistair pressed his forehead against his. "I...Adair, you should have told me."

"You're right," Cousland admitted. "But I couldn't risk losing you."

"I won't go," Alistair said. "I'll stay. You and I...I want to stay with you. I missed you. I missed you so much. I...it never occurred to me that I loved you."

Cousland laughed, "That's romantic."

"No," Alistair apologized, blushing. "I mean that, of course I love you, how could I not know that? I was so angry, and then I realized then why it hurt so much. Then I thought I was being foolish. But...you love me. And I love you. I do. I should have said that earlier."

Cousland kissed him. "No more secrets between us."

"Okay," Alistair promised. "Now, I feel like we should celebrate."

"Want to get matching griffon tattoos?" 

Alistair grinned. "We should probably advertise after all. We'll need more Wardens." 

"Just taking care of one is enough work for me," Cousland teased. 

Alistair stuck his tongue out at him and Cousland laughed, pulling him into his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> -"Wait, aren't you supposed to doing Nano right now?"  
> -"Yep. Look how well that's going. At least this is like a warm up?"  
> -"You don't even write M/M..."  
> -"Well, that's how bad this writer's block is going."


End file.
